Top ways to meet people aboard when traveling solo

Is Tinder where it's at aboard?

     When you put a plan into focus such as traveling solo. All the reasonable things come to mind like where will you physically stay either a loft, hotel airbnb or hostel? What about the neighbourhood to stay in… like do you want artsy, quiet, busy, popular and/ or chic? Food, Transportation, etc. Now once you get there what are you going to do? Do you want to meet people or stay solo the entire trip?

                       Once I figured my plan out, I thought to myself I love spending time not talking to people ( I bartend so sometimes quiet is the best thing in the world) but only for so long. I want to meet people and absorb the culture. I mean, Why not?

         In France, I did have a male friend that I had met years prior in Dallas through the tinder app. I remembered what a great date we had. For years I had assured him I would come and he would return the favor. I took somewhat of five years, but I made it happen.  Now being an independent gal I knew he wasn’t going to want to spend every sing day while I was there with me so I turned on my tinder app and made sure I made more friends. It did the charm, it worked. I went on a few dates with my special friend but I got to meet so many people in addition. We went to a dive bar by the Republique name the “le petite garage”. After conversations and drinks at the bar, we walked around, it’s refreshing to meet people in bathrooms and outside having cigs and make wonderful connections. my actually first tinder meet was for coffee he was this IT professional and we talked about his adventures all around the world before coming back home to settle in France. He took to one of the oldest coffee/pub/cafes in Paris called Cafe La Perle. I sat and took in all that Paris had to offer and wow. I had to thank tinder twice for introducing to people that opened my eyes and my experience.

              So naturally, when I went to Italy I used it again. This was an experience! you see this wasn’t a bad tinder experience this was just different. I didn’t need tinder in Italy. Italians are hardcore romantics and flirts. It’s their language. You walk into a store, a cafe, on the train you will meet people. Let me rephrase this, people that you may meet really want to “date” you for the time you are there for. It can get a tad overwhelming. Not for me but I can understand why turning off the app is okay to do. Going to bars are easy tasks, you just sit down and conversations will emerge. Women are a bit standoffish but mainly for different reasons. Maybe competitive or maybe the woman stand together isn’t a thing, or whatever. However, once you make an Italian woman a friend, she is a companion, and it’s for life. My friendships are so genuine and natural, they are so warm and the men are so romantic. So different methods work in different ways depending on location. When I did meet up with a tinder date he was very hands-on and it felt a tad rushed and somewhat too much pressure. more like let’s get naked quick and instead we had lunch talked and went our separate ways, the second one was different it felt like I was in a romance novel. I was whisked off my feet almost instantly ….we did the  “I don’t want to say goodbye long gesture” and I got on the train and wished I had more time. That was so nice. It was exactly what I wanted. A bit of a fairy tale to end my Italian vacation.

This is just my opinion but If you trust yourself and your gut when you are on a solo trip take a small but safe risk and make friends. You never know what you can gain.

Try:

Tinder

Hinge

Meetup

Bumble

Hostel app as well

Facebook has a great group you can interact with other travellers and locals.

(Groups on facebook I adore; Travel meet up- the solo female traveler, WanderLove(girls LOVE travel), Travel Meetups, The Blonde Aboard Travel Tribe, Girls LOVE travel, Travelettes, Black Girls travel too, and many more.)Top ways to meet people aboard when traveling solo

Realms

I'm feeling fearful more than ever. 

Everyday I awake in a panic 

Around people I'm shaking

My parts are on fire everyday

My skin smooth my heart disshelved 

I'm losing my spirit 

I'm not good for this life

Telling truths

I told the earth as ugly 

My depths my poison that fuels me

I rested with my eyes wide open

My nerves where loud and powerful

I feel my vessel bursting with blood

I told all truths

I didn't hold back 

You didn't respond or give me any feedback 

I'm lost 

I'm scared now 

The dirtiness that coils me 

I opened my heart and dreamed big dreams

Very fools know not to do what I've done

My compulsiveness took over me 

I was framing it in my mind and it flourished 

And now I'm puzzled with this zinging in my heart 

Like an attack of all my senses 

I feel breathless

I feel criminal 

And nude

I just Deperately wanted you

I'm not a monster or a Feen

I'm just a womb that grew pass the seed 

Into bloom I was unearthed and hatched in to this perversion for you. 

I feel off 

Cause I told you the truth

Though drunken in my mess 

I was all bad

I put the glass to my lips with you on my mind and places my head on the pillow and you were still around 

No one else has me so confused 

I only want YOU

but now you are gone again

Who knows when you'll be back

I fuck it the fuck up and feel desperate and fiery 

I can't let this be 

I was honest and it hurt me 

Fiery cries

With my soul at ease with the thought 

I've finally concluded 

It was too long for me to have waited 

I never let myself be angry enough 

I never wanted to feel it all

I desired so much 

Scared of it like filth 

It's not til now I realize that all of me is dimming down 

I loved the thought that there was a someone around 

Just for me 

I'd be alert and waiting too patiently 

He'd just speak and then we'd touch 

He'd free me from all my pains 

Kiss me and love me 

I'd feel no hurt, no anguish no disdain

I freed my soul by releasing thoughts 

Though I've been drowning my sorrows with spirits and wine 

Do I just give up? 

Is this my time? 

I've been on earth longer than some 

With passionate ways 

When whispers that tell me I'm no one

I get so mised up in my head 

That the longing makes me desperate 

And overly zealous 

It pushed more lovers away 

before I've ever uttered words 

This isn't me to throw away passion but I'm living proof of living life simultaneously passing away

I'm trying to balance humanity but it utterly pointless 

cause my heart 

Can't feel every which way

I'm entirely slipping with the each passing day

What do I tell my babies 

When I'm in a tirad 

That I was foolish and dumb 

Once again let a man 

Tell me stories elaborate and untrue 

I'm holding so much back I can't get a breakthrough 

Something is haunting and taking me under 

And tearing me asunder 

If it is the devil that is fucking with my weakness 

I'll give him less ammo 

He can't hang me if I provide no rope 

So he'll have to find other ways 

Maybe dope 

Maybe damage the next just to cope

Emptying out my closet may not be enough

 But it can't be like the pain before 

That pain was far to rough

I just wanted to be fucked but by someone who loves me

That kind of love that makes me cry 

But the tears would fill me up while you were placed inside 

I call out your name and you'd answer

Tell me the truth no need for banter 

We'd move in sequence 

No rhythm lost but I can't have that 

Life and love come with a cost

There's something deeply wrong with me and I know 

I can't fix it and I can't go 

I living with this fiery lusting and unappreciated art 

I'm foolery and I can't solve it 

So I remain torn apart 

No one ever told

First may I say this is not a bitterness just a wise observation. 

Take caution ! People amongst us are human but they do not have a humane bone or feeling in their body .... Caring for people is a risk .... So do not lend your affections to others. They aren't nor will they ever reciprocate the attraction .... 

Love the idea of what people use to be and love children for those take time to corrupt. 

Take the beauty of time before it spoils and soak up all it's worth 

Travel the world and find beauty and passion in the soil and past. 

Don't put trust in people got they are empty and cold !

I'm not aware if this is Gods message to me but never give your heart 

Because do believe that gods intentions would never be to wound you in the process of love... 

Appreciate innocence 

Protection the helpless and kind 

Other than that survive for yourself in this time. 

Recognition

It isn't everyday you break 

It's not everyday you open your trust 

For the touch of a lovely hand

But it's everyday that beast lurk in grandn grabs spitting fallacies and taking all your heart.

The sun will set rays one day!

Sin nombre

We all battle our heart as we march through these days . 

Like a brand new day

I don't know why I felt this laugher when first saw your face.

A teenage rush

It was this nervous giggle,

A nervous tickle that made my day.

You always seem to have such great control with a guided edge.

But you sent me these little messages this put me to bed.

You could've never known what I was going through although I never gave you a clue.

I was hurting a bit a deep hurt that was seeping from below.

I was steadily moving in a direction that had no light just some sorrow.

This movement around with this angry mass burning ... 

Would push anyone 

But you came to me and offered me insight

Gripping me and finding what was in me alas 

It was daily satisfaction I needed 

and you obliged me surpass

I couldn't tell you I was happier 

It was to early in our game 

So I flaunted somewhat a lie 

But I always kept our waves in my sand 

the fact that I wanted to take you to faraway lands 

sent chills down my spine 

You listen intently and called me out 

Even though we've never touched 

my appetite for the human rush.

Never left me crushed in anyways

You ease me to bed everynight it was my lust too

The way I work ... 

that's just how I get to know you.

To think this imaginary person in the cold 

Reaches me 

Rescues me and 

Teaches me just to adjust my ways 

To see the light 

From the endless and deparate days 

Like all good things have time

This is no different for me and you

I going missing my passion built up

And the forlorn is my usual 

No need to be phased 

There's a beach and some sand with our names on it

Hopefully our passing will 

Grow to dust 

And our hearts and passion fill.

To Simon

Put it in check

I'm not fresh 

With ideas with new perspective 

Maybe I'm just ass and tits

The new girl factor wears quick 

Ambers

The burning inside is overwhelming.... 

I know it's not me who lives within me 

She is hallowed out by the darkest of all people 

One moment she's able to combat the pesky thoughts 

they revive and rule her 

They've made her doubtfully weak 

Miserably lonesome in room full of souls 

Shes placeless 

No knowledge of the fire 

Blazing in the corners of the room

She speaks no languages that can be discerned 

She grimacing in pain as jealously fuels her very being 

She's lost all consciousness to life all around her 

She's burning and she keep resist

Wanting it to continue 

Seeing it kill off that haze that dulls her 

She oblivious to the kindness she gave

She's seething and pushing out her ghosts 

Apologizes don't matter when theirs no feelings to hold 

The smell of flesh is reeking 

Her tolerance is beyond what ever the norm 

Beyond the devil compass set due south 

He stepped out on her 

She could feel it in her soul so she burned 

She burned herself so he could know 

She knows 

That hallowed out girl is synced to you 

You failed her miserably 

But if what inside matches the pain from within then 

Maybe then it'll hurt no more

The ambers of her are flying 

Family

 I sat back and got to thinking ,,,

Why am I the way.....

 I am!

Why do I do the things...

 I do?

And each time this voice tells me 

Family 

They are our first teachers of the otherness ...

People other than ourselves that we must interact with...

I'd imagine if I had a family that communicated well - id communicate better with others

I imagine if we trusted each other more - I'd trust others 

I imagine if we loved each other more- I'd be a better lover

If I dealt with my emotions more .... Well you get the picture ...

Now I'm not blaming anyone or trying hurting anyone but I understand when I meet really good people why they are so great .... Or good ...or decent 

Do I envy it of course....

Do I wish for it of..... course

But understand that everything has it's clinches 

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, Chapter 1, first line

Russian mystic & novelist (1828 - 1910)   

It's the beginning of the things I ponder....

Trembling

So many before me have suffered I'm not the only one 

These words are keeping my heart from exploding like the sun

I've been banished from the warmth I'm grown accustom to.

To say I've been casted out is true.

My stomach fills now with just putrid venom poisons my head

See but rage and flames days in never seldom said

I'm in constant dispare

Set in my ways 

I'm ill; With faith; with love 

I can see all my errors nothing left unphased

Only after the present and future has blended in this is what I see 

God has marked my journey

He saw that I'd fail him not once but many times before

Ah but my reasoning may have the floor

I wanted to just fight for you

I wanted to win you 

 not once but many more for you knew

Abandonment of my God caused this soul to get sick and I'm left to.

I glorified a man and I was casted out

He defiled me with permission 

In the desert without any mission

Without food or shelter 

I've been deemed reprehensible 

Unconceivable 

Untreatable 

How the good lord has said in action you will not see me 

Hear me 

No man will ever forgive me; no other

I am the guilty that fueled me and I went against another 

The faint vision is of forever sleep

Hopelessness is all I see

Listen to me one last time, I'll comfort you, completely

But you bested me

You outgrown me and all my ways

You say the doors always open 

But you secretly locked it since that day

For all days 

To teach me a lesson with God at your side...

Forever abandoned 

Because of this pride...

Now my win is to go but not to a place that anyone can place their feet

Irradicate the disappointment to God 

I admit my defeat

Possible to not tremble but to compose and sleep.

I read and listen it's not all away. 

Can agony match whats eating me for always? 

 

A cure

Confronting that monster that haunts 

Builds neuroses towards black holes 

Dreaming of an escape of a my failures 

I'm sure the days end but at the result of double enduring 

I've been pressing theses corners of my own padded walls

But it's been a long summer and my soul is listless 

My heart has failed 

As most 

My Sylvia has started explaining to me her ways 

That distitute drifting over still echo less waters

What happened to the dream state us dreamers make 

 We plan and date...

I'm so alone in these walls 

The lone fearful crier

Thinking in rounds as Kurt plays his sounds

I had a miser who use to let me be fascinated by him

 consumed by him 

Reflect only him 

I ended up saying only goodbyes to him

My wonders aren't subtle 

My curiosity often dances 

Marguex would have answered thoughts for me 

Where's that escape ?

Remember when you find it 

You'll never come back ...

You'll never visit your loved ones 

Play me something 

Read to me something 

Send me somewhere new 

While staying still

How to get to that escape ? 

Silence

It's obvious what the noise is like 

It clouds you and fills 

It's impetulant 

The cut is deep and the wounds turn gray

The spirit dances in the river 

But no splashes give way 

The horizon never creeps like insects 

It's swarms in 

Yet the noise is deafening 

I want pain and loud 

Passionate sounds 

This silence however is crushing me

Mind body and soul

If I passed on nobody would know 

No one would look for me

Rather

Especially not you 

You'd leave me crush me 

Push me fight me 

But never let me in 

You'd let me quietly be surrounded by your nonchalant 

Id die and you'd never know

You and all the rest 

Kill with silence 

But you do it best. 

Complicated

God has evacuated me 

The emptiness is profound 

He has truly abandoned me 

I feel no heavenly cloak 

Because I left my culture I guess god is punishing me for good 

Ill never hear him

He will never come to me in a dream 

It's he who makes you question everything. 

It's in gods plan his decision 

Life long punishments 

I controlled enough and now he is just watching me suffer 

Linger in misery 

 I'm in misery 

Yet I can't end my breathe 

I have beings to raise 

I'm in misery

Ill never know what really happiness is about 

He is punishing me for being here breathing air 

I didn't ask to be here 

There's no cure

Except the cease of life. 

God isn't there in death 

He no longer calls the shots in death 

No need to get on your hands and knees and pray 

I can't wait to not be held to god stringent guidelines. 

In death we only have death 

You can't hurt people 

You can't hurt your self 

You don't have goals and expectations 

You don't fall in love in death 

You don't need to have sex

You don't need to orgasm 

You just cease to be 

Your light turns out 

Bulbs burn out always 

So if I leave this life I can't hurt the god that am suppose to devote my every waking moment for. 

You can't disappoint a jealous god if you aren't alive to disappoint 

How to live this world is the next process.

Pills, drugs. Inflicted pain cuts and others things aren't working.

God has evacuated me....

What would you do ... I'd rather burn out then be smothered .....

My sacrifice

I know I am not worth much 

but for the longest time I knew I'd slightly make a mark. 

So I fixated on better versions of me. I only the focused of making sure they wouldnt emulate me. 

Why replicate the person I loathe the most ?

myself 

So I let my wills create. My body found who would make you magmatic ,... My body complied. 

When you came out into the world my first love you were stunning .... A true sight 

a beauty

You belted out demands but I loved

slaving over you .... 

You were my dream my perfect picturesque design ... 

Your skin glowed so heavenly. 

And your scent was pure 

like purest drugs.

I loved cradling you and lavishing you. 

I made my king... As you aged I wish I could stay in the high ...

that I  created but life curved me. 

It over burdened me it caused my frustration And anger ...

 The days of my allowed obsession was silenced. 

I knew I'd replicate you in a love that would fulfill us. 

So the music played and over shadowed

Life divided me I wanted my youth and to mother you but even with the noise that I craved and a friendship I procured. I was losing sight of you, 

So my cravings and longing for whole ness .... Sent me a quest 

My body said my angel was needed. 

When the notion 

Let me explain this notion .... she .... yes she .... came to me in a dream....

And she was beautiful 

She tickled me from the loneliest part of me. 

 her entry was telling ... Not even a person yet but she made her self known. 

My world was shook once I thought she was leaving me once ,... Blood filled shame...

I cried on my hand and knees 

 

i thought god left me but no she fought through. 

Before I even knew

 she was my girl;  she was my princess .... I didn't have much for her arrival but I'd steal air just for her. 

I'd commit crimes for her 

13:33pm she blessed me. 

My king and princess blessed me. 

As god laughs at my inner turmoil that once plagued me to want to drown myself  

to want to hang my head 

to poison my being. 

He force into me life. 

Amazing resilient life. 

My babies are my everything without them I'd be ashes in a jar on a mantle.

 A distant story that later became ashameful  forgotten story. 

Now I'm just writing everything even if its my last words. 

I'm writing my distant and my life preservers in full. 

I hope my doomed Fate never is bestowed to my angels 

they are the flowers that grew amongst the weeds on the torrid gardens.

Ill take on their pains and sadness until  my air is no more. 

I realize they are my only purpose! 

Rage the broken

He loathes me in a way that makes me hate my own sight. 

He makes me want to apologize day and night. 

Tears pouring like rain 

I betrayed him and I was masked by disdain 

I fixated on you 

I pushed the shadow of possibility of ifs

You became my alluring stigma 

I never could have ensued 

The control I'd give to you 

You could shake me through and sift

I'd still maintain my love 

My sweat and blood for you is fresh

You profound my pallet  

I taste you and it like honey suffocated my life...

Milky fucking glory melts into my being 

I'm not ashamed by my lust

I want to show you my levels 

When you enter me my body quivers 

Seizures of life altering vibrations sweats 

I am, I am always ready and to pay my debts

I need you touch to finish 

I need you to feel happiness

We need to complete us 

We will remain undone 

Just call on me and I'll just run ....

Each new touch I'll continue to paint you ... 

To touch you once more

The thought of you is never disappearing

Constantly in my hand our meetings 

Plays

At every juncture they dance and taunt me,

I want to celebrate loving you 

Instead I'm bleeding you 

I hone in on missing you. 

You invaded my body my mind my soul

You measure greatly in my genes

You grind me and spew me out

You denounced me

You REPLACED ME

I MEAN so little to you

I mean very little to all 

I wish I could flush myself like the waste I feel.

The awfulness of my existence is clear

You want to rid me 

Abandon me

Forget me

Erase me

I would to if I were you 

Id dismember the memories ....

To be continued too sad to finish...

Dying

Ever wake up know this will be your last day... 

I feel like dying ...more and more each day. 

The tears burn as they build up inside of me 

As they pour out of my tear ducts 

Creates a flood in the crevices 

To not breath and to not cry 

To be at that last day ...

Pure eyes

I put the obsidian in orifice

I shut the eye that tells tall tales 

selling me out 

I believe in amour once 

Not false 

the completeness of my womanhood 

Was all love 

My heart was filled by a virus 

I was empty

I had so much empathy for too much weakness

My void is fundamental my foul

My eyes are giving me the outs

A pause for my own silence 

I put the obsidian in my mystery

She's swallowing my pain and mixed it in with my blood. 

She is letting me be free

She'll cleanse my vision 

She bring back in my soul

My purest Ora will be the result

The Lord has brought me here

My mineral will free my dark passenger 

The leeches that stole me 

Are releasing me... 

Humming in light of a new sun. 

Fill in my life again 

Rebirth is next.

ABYSS

I should have sat down and written this
While I was still high off of you.

It would've been bliss relived in words...
Describing every second with you.

I would've been passionate
I would've been particular in my infliction
You would've known WHAT you've DONE

I may have been shit over drunk on you
But it was the heart-pounding moment that I needed.

I was dying before this night
Understand the distinction

Tonight wasn't any
It had me fallen out
Yet empowered
Profound weaknesses
You made foul too and bless it
my feeling infallible is creating this being...

To think I wanted passion for so many nights lost

Inside overjoyed
awaken the deepest again
Evoking my lost soul
She was about to jump and fall into cold

wet flames.

Without malaise
My body crawled up a destroyed soul that you are
And combated you.
She that was once a small, engulfed and dismissed shadow

Dimmed low that night
I came out and met you tonight
Fulfilled you
I needed you
I'm grateful that my desires weren't memory ...
Loosening my fright

That glorious high...
There's where I want to be
In Abyss of you.

Robbing me of myself

I lost my muse,
My faintly quivering heart is spark-less
I looked up to The Lord
Yelling my concede
I flowered all of this world with bits lacking
Leaving my fragmented and anger
I'm lackluster not so positive now
I'm scared I'm going back to sadness
I can't help it
This time the happiness in me has suffered her last blow.
She cries out continuously
Bellowing out the life that remained
I could keep fighting but why dare face this
It is morbid to keep killing yourself
Day in day out - watching the blood draining again on to the floor.
The devil I'd say is alive and well
She lights candles outside my lids
To keep me awake
So she and I never sleeps.
I'm not lonely that badness is here
Feeding off of my eagerness
My passion
My heroic amplitude
This beast is eating it
Tears the tissues and my fibers
All the muscles are exposed
The heat leaving my body is poisoned
I'll never see life again
I'll never breathe air again
I asked The Lord to help me
I think he left me
The devil was to close
The devil is leeching on me to exist
Where is my being?
Doesn't she want to stand up ?
Why is she always dying ?
My flowers are weak and unearthed
Theres not a beginning or an end
This madness can go on for moons
I'm a lost soul.
I have no soul.
And now no flesh.
That beautiful spirit is gone
Will she be messed
You can't bring back what is long gone.
You can dialogue this pain for textbooks
It is the ultimate end to life.
My muse left me
No longer a lifeline
No longer a savior
No longer a spirit
I've been dismembered
I've been robbed of all of me.
Of myself.
Now I'm in the world of all that is no more.
No longer me or her or 

myself.

Quote of the day

... that when two objects collide there is always damage of a collateral nature.....

-unknown

Loving this love tonight

I feel poise in my skin tonight
Washing that old off with rosé water and such
I feel blessed in this joy tonight
I'm happy I'm in love within the air tonight I need the truth to speak aloud
It is magnificent the storm brew outside but I'm in joy tonight.
I have peace in my life tonight
I renewed tonight
I needed splendor tonight
I need word in my life
I needed the rage to come to light
The Lord spoke in my ears
He told me to fuel the earth
To set speed in the world tonight
He has awaken me with vigor and terror in waters
In plain earth
I'm am awake to shovel
To mull threw
Never feeling the sting
The winds are amongst me now
I can take flight
There's junction in the world tonight
I'm the bull
I'm the pearl
I'm the cock
I'm the kitten
I'm all that you can mask tonight
I am renewed.

The music that shaped my heart

You'll forever hear my heart!!!

They are my beauties

From the moment I saw them
They stole my breath
They smelled of lavender and honey
Dewey love oozing from their cries
beautiful and soft
I love them like words of the sweetest love songs
I love them more then the wind the structure the tides
I love them as the water that rushes down mountain side of the northern border touching the heavens
I created life and they are loving me
I created hearts that will beat and nurture souls
I paved life for love
I started a love line
I love them more than time that has been given to me.
They are my heart
My world
I live and love them more then creation .
The moment I saw them they stole my breathe.

Starting Tomorrow

I will not say your name
I will not think about what we did
I will not daydream
I will not cry
I will not blame my heart
Not this time
I will not try jump into anything soon
I will not try to upgrade you
I will not think about the time we met
I will not pray for you
I will not starve my body and mind
Not this time
I will not get angry and yell up to the sky
I will not arrest myself and die

I feel as though this is over
As over can ever get
I was wrong to talk to you
So it's time I forget.
Starting tomorrow
But right now I love you!

Time woes

Bothersome silence and achy bones riddle me on this warm night.
The icy dull pains gnawing at the physical layers is in my bed.
Twisting and turning pulling and stretching the limits of this human flesh are my plight.

So much of physical woes exist but nothing like the missing of you.
That ache, let me deduce it through.
The horizon could be magnificent but I all I feel is
Destruction up my sides at the thought of you lips not always kissing mine.
My arms get weak at movement of sweaty grind.
I miss the sight of you feeling the vibes I give.
I want you to be mine.
Be mine again
I want that danger.
My bleeding soul is in need of you.
Your lips they take me to ecstasy.
I first time you licked my flesh my soul collapsed.
I heard the purring of the goddesses.
Hail like patterns with fingers
He feels my earth rattle and my hair limp.
He grabs my flesh and penetrates it with force.
He is my meal, my dessert and he is my full course.
Warriors, gladiators, beast have nothing on you.
My rolled back in acute spiritual perversion.

Take breathe now.

But Am in this bed.
Instead without you.
Crushed body and soul.
Dried salty tears pasted on my cheeks.
Nothing is worst then the ache I feel.
The pain is beyond unreal.

Time for a much needed disappearance

It's Better to be far away and gone!!!!!
This is the life God chose for me.
Acceptance is what's needed.
Silence is key.
Di*

Him versus I

I,
whispered hello,
our first eye contact he is scared by my image
So, He is avoiding me with lies,
I've sweeten him
I'm telling him my world
Begin feeling the truth
He is proving that he is
fragile
Ill take his word...

He chases me with wit and conversation
Charm and grace
He has defused me.
We beat night with the night
To close out our day.
He has struck me silently
I should not fight this
Ill stay

We decide,
In this moment
We are not together yet he is right here with me.
In the this life that we are loving and living as just for today
He is far from close by really just a few miles away
He's scent is still on me like oils of many days,
I'm melting at the thought of him entering my pathway.

He is sending chills to me.
I'll need to discover what this is.
Should it die and be buried away...
No I'm indeed in a Cesar state
Yet these chills there involuntary.

He calls out to me.
With need and desire.
He can bury in me where there's warmth here in between my world
We will dance slowly now
We will kiss hands now
We laugh in circumstances,
He knows the whimsy is my switch;

O so he is found my place.

He has found my deepest place
His has encrusted his fingers nails in my skin
yet I feel no pain
He taste is on my lips better then honey wine from heaven
We are harmonizing moans now
He patterns aren't familiar but I'm here
I'm a quick study
He can trust this now
It's all his world within me.
He moved my soul in one deep movement
My heart is jolted like electricity bolting

These moments are so soothing

His waves through my veins
I can't feel my woes- there drowned out by him
In one breath
He became,
the light
and light dimmed low 
He became the air 
Now the air is moist with sweat
The dewey nectar seeping everywhere...
That tension filled body is screaming out...

He is a real life
He is a real being
He is a real man

A man
A man with a path
A mission into my soul.

He is crushed my sickness
He crushed my insolvency
He torn out my bruises
He has choked out the cancer in my lungs
With his detox

This thunder of a man has broke though the clouds
To taste it
Its sweetness

In hopes its not over
I breathe just to be certain
And he touches me
And assures me
And finds me
And massages out my insecurities....
He brand marked all of me. 

Spell cast

Your eyes on me pierced me like butter.
The heat you radiated was wave like
Like a turbulent sea.
The sands take form as a body and with each crash of the way. Pieces of me vanished.
Your hand embraced me like a life saving jerk on to safer ground
I was lifted the moment you took hold of my flow.
Breathing was no factor when we shared it
It released my shores and gates to you.
It's was harmony at once,
So fearful yet strong
So violent and long
So delicate
yet not enough

There's change for you
There's feelings that grew

Your lips cured me
You heated me up with each rub.
It became more to me then self worship .
Im coming more this time.
I'm in loving mode.
I can you how to feel
I can tell how to go
I can tame you
As You've tamed me
I'm going to bring the feel to hell's gate and blow you out to me.
Ill have you singing melodies.

Trigger happy

To start this will not make any sense. It'll possibly end poorly and leave you unimpressed. However you will love it or hate it. None of which matters to me.

I've always heard the keys to being a good writer was quiet your brain. Uncluttered the chaos. The words will come out smother and organized. What if the brain is far too stimulated? What if the brain is so filled with cortisol that it can not filter out those loud and obnoxious thoughts!
It's almost as those the mind uses its host to spew out all those words, in order to relax its self.
Remember when Kurt Cobains lyrics were so heavy and raw. It didn't make sense.
Or perfect circle or tool sung it you listened.
People were ok with it. You just figured him/them out or you quit listening to him.

Now the precious audience has gotten so very dull and swallow!
A painful dose of a torn hearted words can be many layers deep ... You may see if you tried to penetrate; you just may see ones fibers. No ones listening ...

A romance dies everyday because the initial layer isn't appealing.
A gifted child gets misunderstood because they can not get to another's point. An angel is ignored for her honesty because no one is looking.

Makes you see why triggers are pulled so close to temple.

That trigger Is ideal for the quiet that it brings. You hear one last exterior disturbance and you a fated in silence.
Its actually beautiful. It makes sense. That's the desire of any heavy headed writer. One that just wants to spew out all the words, and never wants to feel those words again. It is mental coitus, the feeling is joyful. It's a gift.

To the artist...Doesn't it make you feel freer when those achy thoughts are gone? You can breathe freely. You can see straighter. You can plan forward. You can dig deep this time. Make you melt at that bliss.
To the meger conformist with their un-original-ness and gloats at mere common thoughts. Feelings are that the poetry and disorganization of you words are rammed and thrown about that loose leaf paper. That soul may view these words as foreign and dysfunctional.

What happened to the reader that took the time to read the script? The letter? the note? Maybe once? Then... once More? What happened to you?

Well it isn't the words its external garbage. The words are too damn confusing?
There use to be art in verbal banter. The more it didn't make sense the more intense it was.

The trigger as the silencer never needed to be pulled.

Where are our artistic poets... I need to know I'm not alone on this side. The anxious trigger happy...

Cast Iron Soul

I Shall begin this from that conversation that summer or spring night. I could not help but to sit and soak in all the words that were said. I never expected what pieces of me that would be put out before me. Too often past this lover, got out of this with the winning disposition, part of me should keep appearances and appear as though I am just keen. I'm so glad to have made my last two years a game to practice fun for my emotions. Never have I claimed to be put together fully - I've always been daft when it comes to just dealing with these things. I hate that is my area ---my irrational emotions. I do notice that apart from other areas that I'm just a total fuck up in most things. ---Yet I live some how to  wake up every day to raise my kids, go to school, try to make up for all the things that I lack --all on my own with no faltering. Well trying to.
I always thought be good to others. I took the motto to heart; too much. As I see it, I became the punching bag to whom this extremely timid and just downright a doormat that all once knew.

Unrequited love

I remember once falling in love with Shakespeare's poetry and books. Thinking one day that I'd find love, how difficult that would be? It would be downright exhilarating, and emotionally it would be like no other feeling on earth. It did not matter how the language conveyed it was thoughts that were behind the words that scripted, knowing that one day to fall in love was such a thrill for me. That encompassed my life.

All my dreams having been based on the first chapter.

Apparently I was not reading Shakespeare exceptionally well.. I should have continued. In each book, that mostly ended in tragedies that engulfed the reader and bruised the soul.

A way of showing the reality of love and how being foolishly screen can lead to ones determent.

What rings true is today...love does not exist..maybe. Must it be possible in regards?

What will come out of it? All the running around and fixation on business and madness is so that discerning. Can you ever love "Someone" all that much.

But what if you do fall in love?

Do you get to experience that common sense.....that rush ...as young lovers or like teenagers do?

Did you met your one and only? True love. Embrace your lover. Cannot waits to waste another minute without you. Well ...Events happen ..."something" "anything" just happen.

Could you die for love?

Your heart feels like it is wrenching, stabbing you like a Victorian dagger into your chest; rusted, flat and muddy. That torture is cruel.

All of a sudden those chapters sonnets, poems you wish you had read them. I thought I Might have given you some perspective, As some that may lack insight.

However does it matter that today is so different.... that now it may be required to an unspoken rule, some inconceivable guideline.

Ridiculous.

It is so true love story of Shakespearean novelette where you longed for a love. Caveat, you cannot feel that love. You just cannot. No one understands.

So you bottle up your thoughts and emotions and want to, never cry out aloud what you believe. Time may occur along. You would never forget all the times that you may have had or had if you were lucky one. The spirit lost may never be found in any other soul. You will try to conceal that longing burning pain with drunken spouts of words that make --no reason. What emerges is a deathlike silence inside that hums the moaning of the love that took you to heaven. Gave you chills so far that it is the only part of anything you remember. That flowering core of warmth, that you will never again feel. So you try to forget that thought. Stop that stupidity and want, just so you can continue your days; today.

Irises

Picture perfect glass with daring colors of yellow and blue.
They shine rays into me sometimes warm and cool.
You gaze through me like beams of a harvest moon.
 I spent nights and days sinking deeply for you.
As waters heightens our noise we make contact at heavens gates.
Our fragrance cast above the atmosphere like glaze on confection;
 we can taste our love in paradise endlessly managing the few beats of the heart.

Alone but not alone too much of the time

I don't understand how I'm always in a room filled with people and never utter a word. I see people interacting all the time but not really talking. They seem to be saying words but the language is far from comprehension. It's as If I walking into a statistical analyst class and missed 89% of the lecture and trying to figure out where I can interject. That has been my days lately- I try to ignore it but I can't. 

A women that hates

Constantly comparing yourself to other women.
Doubting your abilities.
Not listening to your inner voice when you know she's right.
Looking at yourself and not seeing your beauty.
Letting beauty inside you die away because of a lost.
Taking in the poisonous words that kill your spirit and trust of good.
Not believing in yourself and the sweetness that you bring.

So I must digress

I took a slight step back today and noticed something. The moment I was started to become sad and down. I observed "people's" reaction towards it. They were happy. They were almost jumping out of chairs to think "wow, Diana-who's always happy is upset".

Thats when my wheels started to spin more ---
Huh!
WOW! ....
YOU Feeble little sheep ....
Look elsewhere for you gloating. Reason is I'm the wrong Individual to focus your hatred and jealousies towards. I may present myself as though things are gravy but I'm going through ...hard ....hard times in the background --I just face it differently. If you want to laugh aside me as a friend, thats different. Yes, I have literally emotional ADHD typed attitude -sad one min and happy the next. Its due to other positive things that are still happening in my life. They coincide.

Truth; I'm just heavy with emotions --that's my way.

Yah...yah, so call it what you wish -- maybe I'm a looney tune but deep down I'm blessed and proud of my happier things .....

Such as my family: My children are stellar human beings; they're just amazing. Smart as all hell. They are conscious of people but still presently respectful and happy shining smiles towards everyone.

Theres my siblings even though we are far apart my sister. She is a firecracker and I LOVE that about her.... Ex: If you're a glutton for booze and you are screaming crying in the passenger side of her car, and manage to get in your apartment and puke on the floor, in your hair, on your dress-- all in just two feet away from the toilet. She will clean you up put a Tylenol in you're mouth, change you Into pjs and put your assss to bed. Sorry, in my book- you be loyal to that person- That is an amazing human. Side note... I don't know who the flipping drunken immigrant my sister was caring for. However I just heard the story-source was reliable. She's smart graduate freakin SUMA IDK-4.7-gpa-loudly!!! and quick on her feet to cuss you out intelligently without a cuss word in site she is SKILLED. (Out of order but...thats not the point)

My Big Bro who is a die hard family man, the things that he does makes me so emotional he is a dad, a husband but what y'all don't see is the fact he is-- a DAMMmmmyyyyyuuuMmm good one! He is so driven to love and support his family. I'm so, so, so proud of him. He is so amazing! Plus he is a solider can't forget that - that's ONE MAN. He never makes excuses. Not from him -he just works !!! And works and works .... Man, he is not a quitter if God had bless me-to instead of being fatherless to have had switch and had him as a Dad. WHOA my life would be so different.

Then theres My baby brother he is so cute I just wanna beat his ass. Daily. With a cute stick. He graduated this year and I am so proud, proud, proud of him. A dble major with a minor in incredibleness. ( it's something I can't remember right now; mommy brain). I mean you should hear the shit I say. "He is a genius-- like ever since he was diapers, even during his mute phase." Lol.

Last but not least my mommieeee- even though she DRIVES ME CRAZY.... I love her -I love her!!! She taught me to be strong. Work. Never ever let you babies go without-no matter what.

A story that ill share and always made me cry is the night my mother came to pick us up from the sitter; my baby bro and I. She left the car running it was freezing below 30 in Dorchester (dad long gone; I was maybe 7ish). My mom just worked a dbl shift you know 7-3 then 3-11. As a mom does--fixated on her task her mind was on ..."my poor babies I don't want them catching a death of a cold".
I don't have ask i know this. As she went Inside some jackasses jumped into my mothers running car, sped off.
What makes this worst my mom had all the gifts that were in the trunk for ROB and Marj and cousin Tahina who at the time were all in the caribbean. I may have been seven but I was awake I saw everything - she tried hiding her tears but I saw. Worst things in life to see. Your mom crying painful tears.

No matter what though, she worked the next day. Days after never finding the car. We walked to work/school/banks/stores in snow/ rain/ heat-with us, a carseat with a baby bag. So strong. She never gave up. She is my role model.
I'm so lucky even in my sometimes unluckiness. I'm so thankful. I'm still young- I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN STILL. I have the best role models to look up too( yah -baby bro included he's 6'4-I'm the fam midget).
I'm thankful for--ever! I don't need your hatred, your inner annoyances with me, your shunning me. F!!!!you of course still bless your weak soul.
I'm thankful everyday even when I am crying-that my emotional multitasking. People with emotional ADHD; can handle that.

No Explanation

It's just hard to see through all the dander.
I can't believe it comes and goes so fast. So, is it real?
can it be the real thing.
It's intangible the possibilities of it....
To close my eyes once and to have your hear there was like a mystery.
To have parts of you with me.
It's was magical
if it was love why is it gone.
It's my head playing with me,
I'd say love exist
With you it did...
With you it was something
With you I was scared but so beautiful
Why's it gone.
Is love like a flower it works so hard to burst through the soil...
To take time to stretch its leaves
To bud
To bloom...
But that's it... It's gone
Why can't that flower stay
It just so hard to see through all these people
Walking around with no hearts
Protesting their ambitions about
But where's their love
I'd say love exist just not here.

No more

I barely see a tomorrow
All that rots my time- I see every second of every day wondering why
I see no purpose for me here.
I knew so early so young that I dont fit
I tried to laugh it off but it was a lie.
I fished for a high because I wanted
No one to see
But even inside I just wanted to leave here
I see no purpose for me.
I try everyday to teach love to people around me
It's better that I don't see them see
Me.
I Hurt so much. My body just aches
I think about being in my elder years when people come to expect it
Even with me not hurting
I hurt cause I brought my children into the world.
Sometimes I wonder will they need me
I hurt so much though when I'm here all I do is cry.
Day in and out
I don't know why I so emotional
My heart just can't take
Anyone
I wish the end was sooner
I wish my days would come
Where the pain and the suffering would be no more.
I blame only person for why I'm still here
Me.
I had a chance to leave many moons ago but I didn't want to feel the drifting pain.
So I cowardly choose to stay and float
Worst mistake I've ever made.
these non decipherable- unconscionable words
I'm I here for a purpose
I can't wait until my last breathe hopefully I'll be in no pain
No more hurt.