My sacrifice

I know I am not worth much 

but for the longest time I knew I'd slightly make a mark. 

So I fixated on better versions of me. I only the focused of making sure they wouldnt emulate me. 

Why replicate the person I loathe the most ?

myself 

So I let my wills create. My body found who would make you magmatic ,... My body complied. 

When you came out into the world my first love you were stunning .... A true sight 

a beauty

You belted out demands but I loved

slaving over you .... 

You were my dream my perfect picturesque design ... 

Your skin glowed so heavenly. 

And your scent was pure 

like purest drugs.

I loved cradling you and lavishing you. 

I made my king... As you aged I wish I could stay in the high ...

that I  created but life curved me. 

It over burdened me it caused my frustration And anger ...

 The days of my allowed obsession was silenced. 

I knew I'd replicate you in a love that would fulfill us. 

So the music played and over shadowed

Life divided me I wanted my youth and to mother you but even with the noise that I craved and a friendship I procured. I was losing sight of you, 

So my cravings and longing for whole ness .... Sent me a quest 

My body said my angel was needed. 

When the notion 

Let me explain this notion .... she .... yes she .... came to me in a dream....

And she was beautiful 

She tickled me from the loneliest part of me. 

 her entry was telling ... Not even a person yet but she made her self known. 

My world was shook once I thought she was leaving me once ,... Blood filled shame...

I cried on my hand and knees 

 

i thought god left me but no she fought through. 

Before I even knew

 she was my girl;  she was my princess .... I didn't have much for her arrival but I'd steal air just for her. 

I'd commit crimes for her 

13:33pm she blessed me. 

My king and princess blessed me. 

As god laughs at my inner turmoil that once plagued me to want to drown myself  

to want to hang my head 

to poison my being. 

He force into me life. 

Amazing resilient life. 

My babies are my everything without them I'd be ashes in a jar on a mantle.

 A distant story that later became ashameful  forgotten story. 

Now I'm just writing everything even if its my last words. 

I'm writing my distant and my life preservers in full. 

I hope my doomed Fate never is bestowed to my angels 

they are the flowers that grew amongst the weeds on the torrid gardens.

Ill take on their pains and sadness until  my air is no more. 

I realize they are my only purpose!