Fiery cries

With my soul at ease with the thought 

I've finally concluded 

It was too long for me to have waited 

I never let myself be angry enough 

I never wanted to feel it all

I desired so much 

Scared of it like filth 

It's not til now I realize that all of me is dimming down 

I loved the thought that there was a someone around 

Just for me 

I'd be alert and waiting too patiently 

He'd just speak and then we'd touch 

He'd free me from all my pains 

Kiss me and love me 

I'd feel no hurt, no anguish no disdain

I freed my soul by releasing thoughts 

Though I've been drowning my sorrows with spirits and wine 

Do I just give up? 

Is this my time? 

I've been on earth longer than some 

With passionate ways 

When whispers that tell me I'm no one

I get so mised up in my head 

That the longing makes me desperate 

And overly zealous 

It pushed more lovers away 

before I've ever uttered words 

This isn't me to throw away passion but I'm living proof of living life simultaneously passing away

I'm trying to balance humanity but it utterly pointless 

cause my heart 

Can't feel every which way

I'm entirely slipping with the each passing day

What do I tell my babies 

When I'm in a tirad 

That I was foolish and dumb 

Once again let a man 

Tell me stories elaborate and untrue 

I'm holding so much back I can't get a breakthrough 

Something is haunting and taking me under 

And tearing me asunder 

If it is the devil that is fucking with my weakness 

I'll give him less ammo 

He can't hang me if I provide no rope 

So he'll have to find other ways 

Maybe dope 

Maybe damage the next just to cope

Emptying out my closet may not be enough

 But it can't be like the pain before 

That pain was far to rough

I just wanted to be fucked but by someone who loves me

That kind of love that makes me cry 

But the tears would fill me up while you were placed inside 

I call out your name and you'd answer

Tell me the truth no need for banter 

We'd move in sequence 

No rhythm lost but I can't have that 

Life and love come with a cost

There's something deeply wrong with me and I know 

I can't fix it and I can't go 

I living with this fiery lusting and unappreciated art 

I'm foolery and I can't solve it 

So I remain torn apart