Cast Iron Soul

I Shall begin this from that conversation that summer or spring night. I could not help but to sit and soak in all the words that were said. I never expected what pieces of me that would be put out before me. Too often past this lover, got out of this with the winning disposition, part of me should keep appearances and appear as though I am just keen. I'm so glad to have made my last two years a game to practice fun for my emotions. Never have I claimed to be put together fully - I've always been daft when it comes to just dealing with these things. I hate that is my area ---my irrational emotions. I do notice that apart from other areas that I'm just a total fuck up in most things. ---Yet I live some how to  wake up every day to raise my kids, go to school, try to make up for all the things that I lack --all on my own with no faltering. Well trying to.
I always thought be good to others. I took the motto to heart; too much. As I see it, I became the punching bag to whom this extremely timid and just downright a doormat that all once knew.

Unrequited love

I remember once falling in love with Shakespeare's poetry and books. Thinking one day that I'd find love, how difficult that would be? It would be downright exhilarating, and emotionally it would be like no other feeling on earth. It did not matter how the language conveyed it was thoughts that were behind the words that scripted, knowing that one day to fall in love was such a thrill for me. That encompassed my life.

All my dreams having been based on the first chapter.

Apparently I was not reading Shakespeare exceptionally well.. I should have continued. In each book, that mostly ended in tragedies that engulfed the reader and bruised the soul.

A way of showing the reality of love and how being foolishly screen can lead to ones determent.

What rings true is today...love does not exist..maybe. Must it be possible in regards?

What will come out of it? All the running around and fixation on business and madness is so that discerning. Can you ever love "Someone" all that much.

But what if you do fall in love?

Do you get to experience that common sense.....that rush ...as young lovers or like teenagers do?

Did you met your one and only? True love. Embrace your lover. Cannot waits to waste another minute without you. Well ...Events happen ..."something" "anything" just happen.

Could you die for love?

Your heart feels like it is wrenching, stabbing you like a Victorian dagger into your chest; rusted, flat and muddy. That torture is cruel.

All of a sudden those chapters sonnets, poems you wish you had read them. I thought I Might have given you some perspective, As some that may lack insight.

However does it matter that today is so different.... that now it may be required to an unspoken rule, some inconceivable guideline.

Ridiculous.

It is so true love story of Shakespearean novelette where you longed for a love. Caveat, you cannot feel that love. You just cannot. No one understands.

So you bottle up your thoughts and emotions and want to, never cry out aloud what you believe. Time may occur along. You would never forget all the times that you may have had or had if you were lucky one. The spirit lost may never be found in any other soul. You will try to conceal that longing burning pain with drunken spouts of words that make --no reason. What emerges is a deathlike silence inside that hums the moaning of the love that took you to heaven. Gave you chills so far that it is the only part of anything you remember. That flowering core of warmth, that you will never again feel. So you try to forget that thought. Stop that stupidity and want, just so you can continue your days; today.

Irises

Picture perfect glass with daring colors of yellow and blue.
They shine rays into me sometimes warm and cool.
You gaze through me like beams of a harvest moon.
 I spent nights and days sinking deeply for you.
As waters heightens our noise we make contact at heavens gates.
Our fragrance cast above the atmosphere like glaze on confection;
 we can taste our love in paradise endlessly managing the few beats of the heart.

Alone but not alone too much of the time

I don't understand how I'm always in a room filled with people and never utter a word. I see people interacting all the time but not really talking. They seem to be saying words but the language is far from comprehension. It's as If I walking into a statistical analyst class and missed 89% of the lecture and trying to figure out where I can interject. That has been my days lately- I try to ignore it but I can't. 

A women that hates

Constantly comparing yourself to other women.
Doubting your abilities.
Not listening to your inner voice when you know she's right.
Looking at yourself and not seeing your beauty.
Letting beauty inside you die away because of a lost.
Taking in the poisonous words that kill your spirit and trust of good.
Not believing in yourself and the sweetness that you bring.