I took a slight step back today and noticed something. The moment I was started to become sad and down. I observed "people's" reaction towards it. They were happy. They were almost jumping out of chairs to think "wow, Diana-who's always happy is upset".
Thats when my wheels started to spin more ---
Huh!
WOW! ....
YOU Feeble little sheep ....
Look elsewhere for you gloating. Reason is I'm the wrong Individual to focus your hatred and jealousies towards. I may present myself as though things are gravy but I'm going through ...hard ....hard times in the background --I just face it differently. If you want to laugh aside me as a friend, thats different. Yes, I have literally emotional ADHD typed attitude -sad one min and happy the next. Its due to other positive things that are still happening in my life. They coincide.
Truth; I'm just heavy with emotions --that's my way.
Yah...yah, so call it what you wish -- maybe I'm a looney tune but deep down I'm blessed and proud of my happier things .....
Such as my family: My children are stellar human beings; they're just amazing. Smart as all hell. They are conscious of people but still presently respectful and happy shining smiles towards everyone.
Theres my siblings even though we are far apart my sister. She is a firecracker and I LOVE that about her.... Ex: If you're a glutton for booze and you are screaming crying in the passenger side of her car, and manage to get in your apartment and puke on the floor, in your hair, on your dress-- all in just two feet away from the toilet. She will clean you up put a Tylenol in you're mouth, change you Into pjs and put your assss to bed. Sorry, in my book- you be loyal to that person- That is an amazing human. Side note... I don't know who the flipping drunken immigrant my sister was caring for. However I just heard the story-source was reliable. She's smart graduate freakin SUMA IDK-4.7-gpa-loudly!!! and quick on her feet to cuss you out intelligently without a cuss word in site she is SKILLED. (Out of order but...thats not the point)
My Big Bro who is a die hard family man, the things that he does makes me so emotional he is a dad, a husband but what y'all don't see is the fact he is-- a DAMMmmmyyyyyuuuMmm good one! He is so driven to love and support his family. I'm so, so, so proud of him. He is so amazing! Plus he is a solider can't forget that - that's ONE MAN. He never makes excuses. Not from him -he just works !!! And works and works .... Man, he is not a quitter if God had bless me-to instead of being fatherless to have had switch and had him as a Dad. WHOA my life would be so different.
Then theres My baby brother he is so cute I just wanna beat his ass. Daily. With a cute stick. He graduated this year and I am so proud, proud, proud of him. A dble major with a minor in incredibleness. ( it's something I can't remember right now; mommy brain). I mean you should hear the shit I say. "He is a genius-- like ever since he was diapers, even during his mute phase." Lol.
Last but not least my mommieeee- even though she DRIVES ME CRAZY.... I love her -I love her!!! She taught me to be strong. Work. Never ever let you babies go without-no matter what.
A story that ill share and always made me cry is the night my mother came to pick us up from the sitter; my baby bro and I. She left the car running it was freezing below 30 in Dorchester (dad long gone; I was maybe 7ish). My mom just worked a dbl shift you know 7-3 then 3-11. As a mom does--fixated on her task her mind was on ..."my poor babies I don't want them catching a death of a cold".
I don't have ask i know this. As she went Inside some jackasses jumped into my mothers running car, sped off.
What makes this worst my mom had all the gifts that were in the trunk for ROB and Marj and cousin Tahina who at the time were all in the caribbean. I may have been seven but I was awake I saw everything - she tried hiding her tears but I saw. Worst things in life to see. Your mom crying painful tears.
No matter what though, she worked the next day. Days after never finding the car. We walked to work/school/banks/stores in snow/ rain/ heat-with us, a carseat with a baby bag. So strong. She never gave up. She is my role model.
I'm so lucky even in my sometimes unluckiness. I'm so thankful. I'm still young- I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN STILL. I have the best role models to look up too( yah -baby bro included he's 6'4-I'm the fam midget).
I'm thankful for--ever! I don't need your hatred, your inner annoyances with me, your shunning me. F!!!!you of course still bless your weak soul.
I'm thankful everyday even when I am crying-that my emotional multitasking. People with emotional ADHD; can handle that.
