Keep it

Keeping all that anger in; is giving me pains

It really fucking sucks that I cannot fucking just Yell at people. 
Sometimes at enemies those are the ones that really need me to tell them. 
Hey Mongrel you pissed me off. Instead I keep holding it in like I'm going to get a medal for being the less augmentative person/female on fucking planet earth. Truth is I can’t. Don't even know where to begin. I know i have a lot of hatred for people that have done me wrong--- but I can’t push that. I can’t voice my thoughts. Even in Love I can’t express that either I tend to be more physical. Even the slightest topic I choke. The way my life is right now I should be pulling a Naomi Campbell and throwing phones with my case without remorse-- but I can’t. These constant feelings of guilt and consequences haunt me ...The Statement "Every action has a positive and negative reaction" Sir Isaac Newton....riddles me.

However I growing so tired of this ....cause in order to avoid conversation ---I have to avoid people-- and that just makes it all the worst on a person like me. Its eating at me.... gnawing at my sides.. It’s really painful---not like made up pain physical burning in my lower lateral flank region. Lets get scientific. It crawls up my back like a dagger stabbing me. I try my damnedest not to fuck with people. Like when I'm with a man --I don't cheat. When I'm friends with a girl I don't sleep with her man or do any of that f'ed up shit people take liberties in doing but I am truly get Karma for shit I fucking did not do. Reason for the word Karma is ever a since i was young enough to remember I had what they call insta- Karma. If I stole something it was stolen back and to the extreme. Like candy from a younger sibling or a pencil or yes money from a piggy bank.
Trust me I got mine and then some. I really do avoid fucking with people because of this almost immediate sense of balance of action the word takes. All I can think is I'm actually feeling the stress killing me-- the anger its killing me. I'm literally falling to pieces and no even gives a fuck because NO ONE knows i'm angry. FUCK.

I've been giving people these subtle clues that I may be at my wits end but no one understands that i'm fucking serious. I'm not competing for happiness or anything.... I just want peace. No more pains.

Goodbyes

I've cried these tears before but these ones are so many. They just drip endlessly down my face- the side of my head is just pounding in pain. I think today is the day I give in to that hurt. The one thing that I told myself to beat. To stay on top of !!! Today Stop pretending am more then I am.
I said many apologies before however this day I will say much more. I will never enter the lives of others ever again.
I hope everyday for it to be the last....no more struggles in this. No pain dripping. no more tears. just no more.
I want to take a drug that will help me melt away...........

JUST A DAY

I've thought about this over and over again. So self discovery; it is. How many people out there are just the biggest jackasses on each. It's this thing now that people have become their own little super human, they now seem to make others feel like shit in order to control their thoughts void. I'm somewhat worried that I'm broken- I can not help being sensitive to others. I can't cuss someone out- I don't have the potential for this and that the reason they shit right on me. I'm a person who has grow up in people that don't love each other, so I make friendship outside while it is one of the most difficult things; I try to open up, but I can't. So people....Guys or girls drain you. Have the guts to remove your worth by removing your, forgetting you, deleting your. FUCK you- It hurts, it does because I'd never do things people are capable of doing. You I may not be able to understand it hurts, but you are scum. You aren't respected- actually expect when it's your chance, and you got trouble times ahead. You want people, and they choose not to create a fuck about you. I'd be shocked to see how well you feel it. I don't want things to happen to you, but not every day of every second in ones life is filled w/ roses. The luck runs out at least for a moment.